you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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