I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
