he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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