I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
