happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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