i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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