U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
