she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
