My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize