I can feel you judging me through the phone.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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