He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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