Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
