Who wears a wallet chain?!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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