how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
