Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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