I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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