just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
