Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I deserve this hangover.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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