Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
