I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
