Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
