Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
