Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
