I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
