Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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