It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
