he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
