I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
