Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize