Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
