Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
