Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
