if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
