I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
