I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
