If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
