Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
