on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize