1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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