If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
