I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
