I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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