the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize