Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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