So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
