I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize