I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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