Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
