i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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