if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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