so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
