I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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