we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
