I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
