its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
