Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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