1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
