SEEEEXXX PLEASE
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
