There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
