Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
