He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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