i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
