I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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