Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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