I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
