fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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