fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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