threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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