A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize