i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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