He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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