Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
