Three words: puerto rican gang bang
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
a search helicopter?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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