I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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