How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
