"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
