i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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