I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
