Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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