Your tits are I can't wait for
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
