I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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