this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
