I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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