I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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