Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
