I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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