My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
