I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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