She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
