dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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