So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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