I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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