It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize