Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
