yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
