your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
