No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize